I ate a very vegetarian salad today. The patty in it was not dairy or egg free, but I wanted to swim with the fishes in denial. I’d been thinking about the salad because I had it a day and a half before. I wanted to recreate the experience for my palette. Though the ingredients were 100% the same, the taste was not. The mind sure loves to make you believe something when it ain’t true. Nothing ever tastes exactly the same.
I’d say my fasting starts today August 30th, but I’m giving myself a 24 hour pass to digest said salad as well as the few mixed nuts and raw bar I had today. I’ve been thinking of fasting for awhile. I even wrote down the pros and cons to organize myself. The pros look like a row of excited sports fans. The cons look like a list of worries and insecurities. While I don’t care for birthdays anymore, I like to use this transition of time to end one epoch to commence another at least.
My two primary reasons, I suppose, for fasting is I don’t want to live to eat. I’d love to deny how much I think about food, but alas I can’t. I want to eat to live and even better, this is like a test saying I don’t need that either. Ever heard of breatharianism? Do the Google thing. And I know what most of you will think – she crazy! (Remember, you’re on my blog and your approval or lack of is not needed.) It should be crazier to we the condition of our minds and bodies. You might be cool living it up as you are, but I’m not. It’s worth the risk. Maybe you feel this isn’t the way, but most of you thinking this aren’t actually doing anything to change. Most of you are okay with religious fasting, but not this? Trust me, this is like a spiritual experience. If you are being the change, you should get the concept: something’s gotta give.
Secondly, I want to reset my mind, my feels, my soul, and my body. I’m quite healthy by many standards, but I don’t want to be an ordinary level of healthy. I’m not okay with a little pudgy gut, wearing glasses, or phlegm/mucus. I literally feel like I have a perpetual dormant cold. Neither of my nostrils work 100%, even though I haven’t had a cold in years! Most importantly, I don’t want to keep carrying around expired food from 10 or more years ago. The thought freaks me out. It’s like I’m a goddamn dumpster. Most people start cracking emotionally around 3-4 days. That’s because they now have to face their feelings head on without food to bury it under. I’m looking forward to it because I’d love to know what other kinds of unresolved, unnecessary non physical weight I’ve really got. What a psychological thriller!
My two major cons is the discomfort and feeling I’ll fail myself. Comfortable is what got me filled with all this dump. People don’t want to feel the pain of detoxing; we don’t want to accept we can’t quick fix years and YEARS of malpractice without some months or years of repercussions. I know we’re in the age of instant gratification, but here’s a real check for yah. And of course I don’t want to fail. I am on the journey for a coconut water/water fast for a minimum of 2 weeks. No less. No cheating. Just integrity. I’ve done a 3 day coconut water fast before and it was difficult. I wasn’t in it for the right reasons. Now this time it’s my choice and I have a plethora of reasons to go for it.
I could keep saying now isn’t the time because I’m a truck driver. Funnily enough we met a trucker who had been fasting for 3 weeks a few months ago. Sorry I didn’t catch that one until now, universe. Retro thanks! Some of this is just brave talk because I’ll only really know from experience. I’m logging this as my reminder, my center of focus if the going gets tough. I’m doing this like my life depends on it because whether I want to accept it or not, it is. I said this was spiritual. I’m not waiting until I’m near dead or prescribed with a disease to change. I’m not gonna just take being comfortable forever (there’s that brave talk again). My mind knows I’m about to do this, too. I’m absolutely not hungry, but it’s sending signals to my body I am. Ask anyone who’s truly felt starvation how different hunger feels. It’s not some inherently instinctual signal – that’s fear and desperation. If that false signal isn’t a reason to do it, I don’t know what is. Thomas Fuller said it best, “Health is not valued until sickness comes”. I may not be sick in the traditional sense, but I’m sick.