When my partner said I’d be a different person and I wouldn’t even really remember who I was if I meditated an hour a day for 2 weeks, I excitedly proclaimed, “I’ll do it!” He’s prone to some exaggeration, but he’s done enough meditation to qualify as someone I’d listen to – though I didn’t listen before because stubborn.
I wanted to work through as much of the things that caused me fear and pain before giving birth as well. My primary motivation was to release old baggage for my own sanity, but my secondary cause was to pass on the least amount of my shxt to my incoming child by growing my conscious awareness.
I’d been meditating a few days a week on and off for three months, but my longest time was 30 minutes. I’ve also done up to 45 minutes with him a few times earlier in our relationship, but we never did it for weeks or months consistently. I remember how difficult it was because I had rarely ever meditated before outside of shavasana in yoga – if that even counts. From these more mini meditations, I gained noticeable but subtle clarity. I sensed this thick mucus like fog in my brain I didn’t know was there. It’s scary to know there’s something dense hovering up there, but it has potential to clear because I’ve felt it move.
You can read the details of each day below (after the summary). This is one of my lengthiest posts! I go over the first three days in summarized details and mention only interesting findings for the subsequent days.
A Summary of Discoveries
What happened overall? I did all this to see if I’d feel like a different, better person. Am I brand spanking new?
Well… I didn’t meditate every day as planned. I know! I wish I could say it was because I had no time, but I had time for an hour and more. So, what was the problem?
I was short 4 days. You can read the details below, but here are my brief excuses:
- Day 07: 45 minutes – the mosquitoes got to me
- Day 11: 30 minutes – I kept putting it off all day
- Day 12: 00 minutes – I had errands and forgot
- Day 14: 20 minutes – bad time management
Considering I didn’t actually meditate every day for an hour, I can’t expect maximum life changing results. On the other hand, I got a lot from attempting to do this challenge successfully. I didn’t think I could meditate for an hour much less have 10 days of it to brag about on my life resume. My thoughts did get clearer, slower, and less noisy, which honestly will never not be a plus. My monkey mind lost some of its power and my earlier mentioned mental fog disappeared. I experienced new sensations and got myself mostly into a new habit. I’m going to continue to try to get an hour in daily (which I most have – I’m editing this over a week later), but I’m more forgiving when I slip.
My biggest challenges doing this was baby’s womb acrobatics during some sessions, not sleeping enough that I pretty much fell asleep a little every time (woes of the third trimester), comparing what I thought would happen with what was happening (disappointments), and committing on the weekends and days when I had more things to do than usual.
I can’t imagine being able to meditate this long for some time once the baby is born, but it’s been really good to have some time for myself in such an intimate way. I remembered things, tapped into my breathing, learned how to cope better with distractions, increased by capacity for listening and diving deeper in conversations, and much more! I don’t know if I meditated “correctly”, but I believe getting anything good out of it is definitely a sign of doing something right. I highly recommend everyone to meditate as it will increase your mental capacity, which clears up your emotions as well. If you can meditate for an hour or even more, it’s a worthwhile experience. You can absolutely do it!
If you want to read notes of each/any of my days in details, keep reading!
Days of Details
Before: It’s 6:56am. I’m feeling excited, ready. I sip some water, find a comfortable position, and remind myself briefly the pros of clarity outweigh the cons of how hard it’ll be to sit quietly with my head space for an hour. I wonder if I’ll fall asleep, if any mosquitoes or itches will drive me to break my focus, or if anything else will hinder me…. No matter. I have the whole day to keep trying. I scratch around my body. I try to catch the only mosquito I see. I lay down for a few seconds to rest my back already. I laugh because I know I’m being too extra. I don’t overthink or over-prep for my previous 15/20/30 minutes meditations like this. I must somehow subconsciously, even just a little, be trying to get out of this. I laugh again as I set my alarm 1:00:11. Time to begin, 7:04am. The sun is rising. Perfect.
After: Watching a 40-60 minutes long show is nothing. Spending an hour on social media flies by. An hour focused on your inner world and breath? It can feel like the day and the world is going by without you. The first half wasn’t so hard because I was used to some meditation. Then it was all about maintaining focus and not going away with every single thought. I fell asleep at a few points. I sat with my legs in a diamond like shape (crossed style for an hour would have been worse with these pregnancy joints) and at some point they grew very uncomfortable. I wondered if it was painful or just extremely uncomfortable, couldn’t tell. I tried to work with it using breath and positive thought, but at some point I had to stretch them out. Before that, I experienced a high. I could feel a warm vibration in my upper body. Behind my eyes were funky colors and sensations. That’s my favorite part. I feared if I moved I’d lose it, but it only lost some of its intensity after I stretched out my legs. Mentally, I have a narrator, one who was trying to take note and remind me to remember what to write about the meditation. That’s the voice, the monkey mind, I hope to befriend and quiet. There was a point where I really, really wanted to give up because the meditation felt so endless. At the end, I felt accomplished. It was my first time meditating for an hour! My day was also interesting. I had more willpower, clearer thoughts, focus, more self reliance, and I had more space to process life as it happened.
Before: I was excited to meditate given how well my day went yesterday. I tried to free myself of any expectations I might have so I could just enjoy the process as a new day without bias. All I need to know is I can do it. My only concern became if I should let the dog out to pee, but he didn’t want to go. It was a little warm already and I wasn’t sure if I should wrap myself up in the blanket again and in case of mosquitoes. I take my chances. I decide to sit with my legs straight ahead of me this time.
After: I felt so slow, but not in a bad way. All I wanted to do was just take things slowly. I didn’t fall asleep this time but I slept better last night. My leg positioning was perfect. I experienced the meditative high longer but less intense except for a few moments I felt these bursts of my will to tell my dog to be patient. He had been whining about something. Though I still had many thoughts, they felt more quiet and far away. I was able to focus more on my breath as well despite the thoughts. I had more to give and receive throughout the day as well. My thoughts were there, but I had more control over how deeply they blocked me. It was very good!
Before: I was looking forward to meditating again. Once more I worked briefly on releasing expectations and comparisons. I can tell I have a high chance of falling asleep due to a restless previous night (ah, pregnancy).
After: Baby moved quite a bit this meditation, especially in the beginning. I tried not to pay attention to the movements at first, but then I decided to immerse my imagination in their acrobatics and send many conscious loving thoughts to them. I did nod off a few times as expected. Today was also the second time I felt the dehydration in my lungs. I ended up having to take in a very big gulp of saliva to combat it. I feel these three incidents caused me not to have a mental meditative high, but I did feel something warm in my chest and belly area that’s similar albeit faint. Near the end it got very warm temperature wise all over. I felt the beginnings of sweat forming and I experienced how it cools the body in a sort of slow motion – very fascinating! It got close to unbearable hot, but only if I focused on the heat. I ended meditation feeling somewhat disappointed because I didn’t get the high, but I was supposed to abandon expectations anyway. I still felt I got a lot out of it regardless. My day felt good, subtle. It wasn’t slow, but it felt clearer.
I felt three mosquitoes walking on my body, but I never felt them penetrate and drink. When they first landed I was very irritated, which shifted the light in front of my eyes to a darker color. I spent the remaining meditation trying to lighten the darkness and succeeded near the end. My meditative high hung at the bottom of my brain, mostly along the back of my neck, and a little on my shoulders. I felt a little energy move down my fingers and feet after some time. Not sleeping through all the nights this week caught up to me today so I had quite a bit of an off day. Even my walk didn’t feel therapeutic. Meditation not feeling the way the first two days did is disappointing, but maybe it’s part of the process. At least my thoughts still seem to be getting quieter and less overpowering each day. I also did experience tinnitus, that’s new.
So much nodding off. I wonder if I was well slept more days if my experience would be different. I’ll keep going anyway. It was an off day for me being all of the sleep deprived for days now, but somehow I feel the meditation is working very subtly. My thoughts just feel clearer, quieter in the smallest way. A small stack still adds up.
Getting a meditation in on the weekends is harder, especially when there’s things to do. I managed to slip my hour in at night though honestly I was fully set to break my streak. It felt shorter, like I had only been meditating for 30 minutes. I had a couple of nod offs. It was harder to focus somehow in a very subtle, gentle way, like being taken and noticing but not fighting it. It just felt like I sat there for 30 minutes and nothing happened. I did sleep through most of last night finally! Maybe that’s a factor.
Ah, I already knew I’d have problems on a weekend but definitely could have managed it better. I only got in 45 minutes. I attempted to do it in the car ride home because the point of meditation is to center within no matter the external. Nodding off in a car ride is harder to recover from because it’s such a soothing drive. That or time went by so fast I thought I fell asleep longer than I really did. I attempted to finish the final bit of the meditation at home in the garage, but the window was open and I was a mosquito buffet. I tried to stay longer and though I never actually felt a bite, just them singing, landing, and walking on my face, I couldn’t withstand it ultimately, though I held up better than I thought I could.
No high, but I experienced energy, like something vibrating off my skin. It’s especially obvious when I want to tell a mosquito to get off me, I felt this extra something push my non verbal intention. The hour didn’t feel very long at all again. I wonder if I’m really nodding off or it’s my body jolting somehow. A couple of times I was conscious and nodding off. Not sure how that makes sense if I’m falling asleep. That or I’m learning how to consciously fall asleep…
Spent most of the meditation focused on breathing. I counted backwards from 100 and inhaled and on the exhale I thought of a word like happiness, love, universe, etc. It was difficult to keep count with a drifting mind, but it helped to have a reference point to bring things back. Nodded off a few times again – I got up a lot last night to pee. Around the last 5-10 minutes, I couldn’t wait to finish. I just wanted to lie down. Felt energy tingles in my hand, but not much.
Motivation level this morning to do meditation? 0%. I skipped it and thought I’d do it later that day. Later came, still wasn’t interested, but then I talked to my partner who said he never felt like not meditating, that it was addicting. In that moment I remembered why I wanted to do this “challenge” – I wanted to be a better person. So I decided to get on it! I’d meditated once this late in the beginning and it was alright but tonight was interesting. The baby kicked a lot in the beginning. I always stay still (except the once in another session to adjust my legs) but moved to swat whatever was crawling on me, mostly again because I didn’t want to be there. Nodding off happened. Did the backwards count but with 50, which got harder around early 20s with the nod offs. The great part was being able to play with my energy, sending it an inch from my skin and back in. When I got out of the meditation, I felt so slow, the slowest I’d experience so far in body and thought and it was beautiful. I didn’t even want to move and finding words seemed irrelevant. I felt rebirthed in some other world and I didn’t want to touch any of earth’s problems. It was interesting to feel these things given how much noise my partner and puppy made during that hour. Yet it still works somehow and shows the importance of stillness. I did wake in the middle of the night for 2 hours, which hasn’t happened in weeks. I had thoughts but they were less like a crowd of harassing fans versus just passively there, which was very, very nice.
I was curious now about an afternoon meditation. That didn’t happen. Not doing it straight away in the morning makes it harder to be disciplined any time after. I did manage about 30 minutes in the night and I was surprised how easily I got into it. I felt like I accessed the place I go to during the hour.
Considering I had errands, I should have known better, but I didn’t do better. No meditation happened and in fact, I only remembered at the start of the morning and end of day. I was awake for two hours in the night and fell asleep in the morning. By the time I woke up, I was too hungry to meditate first and then I had things to do before leaving. Then I thought of it when I was already cuddled up in bed, eyes and body about to fall into unconsciousness from my long day. Oophs. That’s three days of redos I owe.
A weekend, surprisingly I was up and refreshed by 5am. I only got up once in the night to pee, which is a record this week compared to an average of 4. I felt really bad about barely acknowledging yesterday’s, but with this much sleep, I thought I might not nod off during the meditation, but I did. I didn’t enjoy myself. There was too much external noises, particularly the dog running around. I spend almost the entire thing in annoyance and trying to process not being annoyed by the dog and my partner (who said he said testing me!!!). One day I’ll reach a level where these things aren’t bothersome, but today was not the day.
Again, weekend. Started off with errands early in the morning so forgot until that night. I meditated for about 20 minutes and surprisingly I found a high near the end! I came out feeling slowed down, a nice surprise.
If you made it through most/all my daily scribbles, congrats! I hope you learned something from my experience. I’ll say it again: I highly recommend everyone to meditate as it will increase your mental capacity, which clears up your emotions as well. If you can meditate for an hour or even more, it’s a worthwhile experience. You can absolutely do it!