Here I am a month and a week into being a paid Freelance Writer. If you haven’t guessed by now (or you’re new around here), I’ve always wanted to be a Writer. I thought I had to publish several lengthy novels and innovative poetry books to qualify as a “real” Writer. Writing is, however, a broad and self-defining field.
I’m learning that getting paid to write for other people is challenging, but not in the way you may think. If you’re interested in getting paid to write, I’m sharing this because I didn’t expect these thoughts or feelings.
I recently wrote an article I feel is one of my best yet. That’s why this blog post is happening. After writing this submission, I felt I was giving away my best content to uplift another blog. Stingy, huh?
I’m still new at freelancing. Doing guest blog features with bylines is great for my portfolio. Ghostwriting is good as well. It’s teaching me how to write and let go of what I’m writing. One of my biggest setbacks is my obsession with the end product (is it good enough? who will want to read this? etc.) versus the process (what I’m learning and expressing).
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking: “here I am writing exceptional content for other people, but I’m a whiny piece instead of a gratitude article on my blog.” Sigh. I’m thankful I’m finally able to write and be paid for it and that I feel confident enough to feature as a guest blogger. I wasn’t emotionally or mentally prepared for the attachment.
What Do I Really Feel?
The real truth is I’m disappointed in myself. I could’ve produced this kind of quality for my blog, but I haven’t. I was motivated in part by money, but for the gigs I’m not getting paid for? The quality is still good, and this, this post on my blog is what I’m putting out for myself? it may be valid, but it’s not becoming. I’m sharing all this because I want to be honest with about my darker thoughts.
The freelancing experience is teaching me I’ve had it in me all along to write well. I just need(ed) to believe in myself. It’s also unveiling an issue I feel all of us face: we’ve been primed to produce greatness for other people because they’re our boss or superior, and we’re getting paid. When it comes to ourselves, we don’t seem to know how to be self-guided. We don’t know how to turn being a student into becoming a master.
I appreciate these experiences for showing me ways to express myself with more focus and depth. Instead of hoarding the article I wrote because it feels like one of my best pieces yet, I’m going to send it in. Why?
Functioning from a scarce mentality isn’t creative. I’m allowing a limiting belief – that this is the best work I will ever do, and I should just keep it for myself – to sit in my imaginative space. My creativity comes from an infinite well. Seeing glimpses of things I want to hold on to is a good sign I’m getting better, can do better, and will do better. These projects are showing me tools and techniques to tap into my best potential. My ego is the only thing in my way.
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