You’d be surprised by the ugly things people say about mixed kids online. Not just any people, mothers. Not just any mommas, black mothers.
And I get it.
I’ve had my share of dark thoughts, too. Shocking confession time? While I’m not going to repeat what’s been said, I’ll share my thoughts.
These Thoughts of Darkness? I Acknowledge Mine.
I thought some parents of mixed kids used their children’s mixedness and cuteness to gain secondhand attention, fame, and money. [Yes, I said it because I thought it.]
I started to become the people I didn’t like, the ones who saw and targeted racial identity instead of just seeing a person as a person, or a kid as cute regardless of race.
The just-as-adorable black kids weren’t getting as much attention to me, so I felt justified. I took it personally.
I’m sharing my thoughts because many black people, not just moms, are consciously and inadvertently projecting their adverse feelings of their blackness onto kids. I was salty with parents, likers, commenters, and reposters, too. I especially wasn’t fond of the plethora of dedicated mixed babies accounts.
A year ago I wrote about not wanting to post overt pictures of Z online. I didn’t want him to be sent negative thought energy for being an extremely cute kid who happens to also be mixed. Over time, I have relaxed on sharing because I (surprisingly) enjoy posting what he’s up to here and there with a picture included.
People will love and hate as they see fit, but hate is just a blanket for unhealed pain. The cure for pain is compassion.
The Unhealed Internalized World
I get why dark-skinned people project because I did it and sometimes I still do. We were taught to hate our blackness as children.
Growing up, I remember being one of the darkest kids. I felt my light-skin cousins got all the attention and love. Even in adulthood, I felt like most black men weren’t interested in me. It was consistently reinforced by black male pairing with other races of women or lighter skin women.
Most of my dating history was with men of other races. I didn’t try to veer outside of my race, but the inferred rejection probably didn’t help. I was surprised when my Asian man wanted to date me, skin-so-black-me. I didn’t think men of other races fancied dark skinned women much if it wasn’t fetish related. It sucks to admit now, but that’s how bad internalized racial self-hate can get.
So while I get it, it’s no excuse to throw our traumas onto kids, their parents, or people who like mixed babies! I’ve learned a lot being a mom of a little cute boy who happens to be mixed.
If any mother wants to use their kids’ cuteness or even mixedness to make money, it’s not my business. Plus, I like looking at pictures of adorable kids.
When I post a picture of his face, it’s intentional and because he’s part of me and my life. I carried him, fed him, birthed him, held him, fed him some more, played with him, and loved him not because he’s mixed, but because he’s my son. Duh!
To the black/dark skinned people who’s little child inside is suffering, don’t let that colonizer bullshxt swallow up your potential for great love of your skin color. It’s our responsibility to find great personal self-love. Taking it out on other people, especially kids, ain’t cool. Let’s be better.
P.S. don’t @ me any variation of not seeing race/color lol